My son Carsen has not forgotten he wants to be baptized. He hasn’t forgotten that we told him to wait. He hasn’t forgotten that we questioned him and his decision because, well, at first he wanted to follow in his brother’s footsteps.
It’s been almost a whole year and he hasn’t forgotten.
This Sunday morning, because Todd and Tucker were serving in the coffee House, it was just Carsen and I in the sanctuary (do we call it that at Journey?) and he wanted to switch seats and sit on the couch, the couch that is in the VERY front row… How could I say no to a seven year old grinning and mouthing “pleeeease” as he batted his eyes up at me?
It was a good excuse to move away because someone sat behind us, I don’t know who they were, and that time to meet and greet those around you was coming up and I wasn’t feeling social so I bailed in the name of “it’s for my child” excuse. I am ashamed but I did it.
ANYWAY Carsen and I sang and it was a great moment to look down and see and hear my youngest sing songs he actually knew. Que the little hearts popping like bubbles around my head as I discretely watched him. (sigh)
We were a few feet away from the big baptismal tank thingy and my little bug tells me, “I still remember you said I could get baptized.”
My heart sinks a little. I had been putting it off ONLY because I needed to check with the family to see when everyone could make it and I hadn’t. Shame. On. Me. (I know!).
“I remember Tucker said yes to all the questions they asked him…”
Carsen has been worried that he will be asked a question he doesn’t know how to answer and that maybe he won’t be baptized because of that. My heart is drowning, gurgling on shame by now.
“Honey, I know you love Jesus. I know you believe him as your God and Savior. I know He is in your heart…”
And as I am saying this a question arises, “Why am I waiting? He wants to tell the World he is apart of God’s family.” God tells me do this for Carsen. This is Carsen’s choice. Don’t check schedules. This is for Carsen and not for perfect schedules or the perfect ideal day.
It’s not about who can be there because this Mama was looking at a picture that could be framed with my son surrounded by family and our Community Group. It wasn’t about my selfish pride. It was about a little boy who has been waiting for almost a year to be identified, publicly with Jesus Christ.
My heart was crushed and ashamed and dead at the bottom of me. Picture a heart with x’s over its eyes laid out flat at the bottom of my gut with the wooden stake of selfish pride. Ick.
My beautiful boy’s heart is filled with Christ and it’s overflowing with His love for my boy. Because Christ died and lives again Carsen can live with Him. Jesus sacrificed His life with Carsen in mind, “I can’t wait to show you my house, Carsen. You’re gonna love the glassy lake and the streets of gold. Gold! (To a Mine Craft minded kid, this is B-I-G!) And my Father… oh, just wait He can’t stop talking about how much He loves you Carsen.”
I can picture Jesus and Carsen hand in hand racing to the throne, together, off to see God the Father and my heart inflates to almost bursting. THAT’S joy. My son is following Christ and in obedience he will be baptized even if it’s in his bathtub!
No more waiting. Carsen is ready and God knows it because He hasn’t let Carsen forget it.