So, I wanted to come up with something fresh, a recap of 2013 for this post but I’ve got nothing. Maybe if I keep writing something will come. I won’t make a laundry list of resolutions I have no intention of keeping. I’m the kind of girl who says, “Don’t fence me in,” even to myself.
It’s usually this time of year that I start thinking about organization, cleaning out the junk and downsizing things. I think about budgets and lists and meal planning and school planning. I think about Spring gardening, painting walls and exercising. I have medical goals (not resolutions) to see a dentist and keep 6 months appointments, find a GP and develop a relationship with him or her… maybe a her since I’m gracing the threshold of menopause.
I’m teetering on weight issues and menopause and trying to find a reasonable balance of what’s acceptable and not an excuse.
My boys are growing up. They’re taller, their clothes are getting too small. Tucker is at the in between stage of not exactly size 10 but 8 is too short and size 9 jeans don’t really exist.
Their likes are more adolescent than childish. Hot wheel cars have been replaced by bikes, skateboards and iPads. Curious George has morphed into Ben10 reruns and Lego Ninjago. I’m really distraught about George. I love that curious little monkey.
For Christmas both boys wanted nice button up shirts and ties… TIES!! (Of course, Carsen was overjoyed that they got Skylander Wii game too- score one for Mom and Dad and double score for catching that moment of revelation!)
Tucker’s at that stage where he’s branching out exploring and forming his own opinions and with that comes emotions he can’t quite control or understand. It wasn’t a change that just announced itself. It was a quietness, a stillness in the air that I knew; I sensed “something has changed.” I couldn’t put my finger on it. I couldn’t name it but I knew it was here.
I have to lead wisely. I had to talk to his father and warn him, though he had sensed the change too. I told him to keep his eyes peeled and have understanding that he may not have an answer to “Why did you do that? What were you thinking?”
I’m kissing my 9 year old son more and more these days. I caress his cheeks or tossel his hair with that ugly thought nagging “one day he’s gonna step away to find out what kind of man he wants to be” and he probably doesn’t need a mom who baby’s him.
On the other hand my 6 year old (soon to be 7) is smothering ME with hugs and kisses. Oh so many kisses. I eat it up. He needs me near him. He needs my assurances and he needs to hear me say “well done,” “you’re really good at that.”
Ugh, this tightrope we walk as parents is a crazy one sometimes.
They’re growing up.
So when I see them swinging together and talking, not knowing a word they’re saying, and wanting so badly to know why they kick their heads back and laugh from their guts, I will smile. I always smile. Hopefully I’ll have a camera too.
2014 will bring changes. I pray those changes start with me and Todd so that we can help our young men navigate their way through the changes the Lord has for them. Ready or not, here we come 2014!