The LORD roars from Zion And utters His voice from Jerusalem, And the heavens and the earth tremble. But the LORD is a refuge for His people And a stronghold to the sons of Israel.
Is it strange that I find God in the thunder and the crack of lightning? I am in the midst of a storm and my first thought is to gather the black clouds around me like a wild blanket. I want nothing but to hear the deep groaning’s and explosive thunder in my ears. I find comfort in that. I find God in that. Come near to me oh Lord.
I searched for scriptures that referenced thunder and found seventy, perhaps there is more, I don’t know. A lot of verses liken the sound of thunder to God’s anger and wrath. It is a display of His terrible might. People tremble, some even flee. Heaven and earth tremble. Thunder, to most, is to be feared and at times it causes me to flee under the nearest blanket.
When I was nursing my youngest son in wee hours of the night (although often my clock said it was 2AM) I would be the only one awake. Even Carsen was sleeping while he nursed. It was the loneliest time for me. The house was utterly silent. Nothing stirred. Then one night while I was nursing a distant thunder rolled. It was a lazy lingering roll. My ears latched on to it and in my desolation I asked, I prayed for it to come closer to keep me company.
Strangely, I find myself in the midst of my own storm and I feel so out of control and lost. I’m trying to be Christ in my home and in my neighborhood when I want to be the hammer and anvil of God’s mighty hand.
My immediate thought was to gather the dark storm clouds and wrap myself inside its wild blanket of roaring thunder and brilliant lightning as a sort of comfort and council. Speak loudly to me Lord for the voices in my ears are filled with anger and self righteousness.
I am frustrated by a certain situation in my life. I see a problem that I feel isn’t mine to fix, YET… yet here I am, praying for intervention. I’m pleading with God to step in and rescue the innocent WHILE complaining IIIIIII can’t do it, knowing full well in my heart, He is calling me to do just that. And it may be that my job is just a small part in this. I see the BIG picture and I shut down. “I can’t do this,” but He hasn’t asked me to do it all.
I see the fire. I’m yelling, “Fire! Fire!” Meanwhile, I have a dripping garden hose in my hand. I have the tools to affect the outcome but I want someone ELSE to do it. I want someone more qualified with an industrial sized hose hooked to a fire hydrant and not my measly spigot.
Put up or Shut up, Candes.
I cannot turn a blind eye. I must act and so I do. What good is this “selfless” act if I do so begrudgingly? And yet when the deed is done my heart is at peace. I have done the right thing. My vile self takes backseat to my vulnerable, obedient heart and I am saved. I am saved one more moment from the bitterness that waits to take root.
Give me Your grace, Lord, for there are many more moments I will have need of You.