A pasta shell settles in its bag behind her making the hair on the back of her neck stand up. It’s tough being alone when there’s no one around to perform for, not after she tells her friends there’s nothing she can do but suck it up. But in the dead of night, in the privacy only darkness can afford she cries desperate, terrified tears into her pillow. She screams out to God that she has no breath in her lungs to “suck it up.”
She can no longer suck up the constant fear that if she fails her whole world will crumble.
She can’t go on with the charade that everything is going to be alright; that his absence didn’t incapacitate her and as a result leaving her with a monstrous gaping hole in her chest where her heart use to be… where he fit so perfectly.
She doesn’t have the luxury of breaking down or the freedom to spiral out of control, not in front of them. No, she has to hold it together for the children he left behind. She has to be strong for them. For her there is no place to hide but in the darkness when they are fast asleep in their safe little world that she painfully balances on trembling hands.
Her knees threaten to buckle under the crushing weight of the mantle life’s twists have burdened her with.
Suck it up… but it’s the waters of fear that fill her lungs and not the breath of life she so desperately needs.
And just when she is about to break she reaches out to heaven and that’s when she hears His tender whisper that shouts to her soul,
“Come to me, all ye who are weary and heavy laden and I will give you rest.” Matthew 11:28
“Take my yoke upon you and learn from me, for I am gentle and humble in heart, and you will find rest for your souls.” Matthew 11:29
And Jesus takes up her cross beam and carries it up to Golgotha never to leave her to bare it alone.
God says, “Do not be afraid.
I will set you free.
I will send for you by name.
You belong to me.
2 You will pass through deep waters.
But I will be with you.
You will pass through the rivers.
But their waters will not sweep over you.
You will walk through fire.
But you will not be burned.
The flames will not harm you.
3 I am the Lord your God.
I am the Holy One of Israel.
I am the one who saves you. Isaiah 43:1-3
He gathers her to His chest and covers her with His wings and she is safe, no longer fearing the terror of night nor the fiery arrows by day. (Psalms 91:4,5)
And while He quiets her with His love, the Bridegroom; the Father to the fatherless; Master and Creator of the universe, sings over His Bride who is safely tucked in His side.
The LORD your God is with you, he is mighty to save. He will take great delight in you, he will quiet you with his love, he will rejoice over you with singing.” Zephaniah 3:17